Talking about narcissism
“I work for my success. I earn my accomplishments. Pay attention – Maybe you'll learn how to be smart like me. I doubt it, But you can dream.” –Inventing Anna, a Netflix drama series.
To those we have not watch Inventing Anna, this is a true story based on a fake German heiress who stole the hearts and money of New York elites.
“Sociopath”, “An extreme narcissist”, are how Anna was described by the victim in the fraud.
Did you know narcissists might have a disorder called narcissistic personality disorder?
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
According to alternative-model diagnostic criteria for NPD, the traits of NPD individuals include:
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Moderate or greater impairment in personality functioning, manifested by characteristic difficulties in 2 or more of the following 4 areas:
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Identity – Believe that he or she is “special”; exaggerated self-appraisal inflated or deflated; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.
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Self-direction – Goal setting based on gaining approval from others; personal standards unreasonably high in order to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement; often unaware of own motivations.
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Empathy – Lack of empathy; excessively attuned to reactions of others, but only if perceived as relevant to self; over- or underestimate of own effect on others.
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Intimacy – Relationships largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation; mutuality constrained by little genuine interest in others’ experiences and predominance of a need for personal gain.
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Both of the following pathological personality traits:
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Grandiosity (an aspect of antagonism) – Feelings of entitlement, either overt or covert; self-centeredness; firmly holding to the belief that one is better than others; condescension toward others.
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Attention seeking (an aspect of antagonism) – Excessive attempts to attract and be the focus of the attention of others; admiration seeking.
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Narcissistic personality disorder is under the umbrella of Cluster B personality disorders. Also, NPD often co-exists with other disorders in mental health, such as antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), borderline personality disorder (BPD) and histrionic personality disorder (HPD).
Why did that happen?
There are quite a few possible reasons why they became extremely narcissistic:
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It is in the blood
NPD can be inherited, thus if one of the family members have NPD, the next generation would probably have it too.
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Development experiences
During early childhood, he or she might have a fragile ego, and always being rejected. In contrast, excessive praise (including the belief that a child might have extraordinary abilities), can also lead to NPD.
I have a NPD friend, what should I do?
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Understand that they might need professional help
People with NPD often do not see themselves as the problem, but they almost always have other disorders like mental disorders or substance abuse. You can suggest them to reach out for professional help to see what’s really going on with them.
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Insist on immediate action, not empty promises
People with NPD make tons of promises without actions. Do not count on them to turn the promises into reality. Instead, stand your ground. If they ever ask you to fulfill their requests, ask them to fulfill yours first that they had once promised.
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Speak up for yourself
Often times they keep talking or bragging about themselves without a pause, and you might feel very uncomfortable listening. Be specific and concise about what’s not acceptable and your expectation to how you should be treated.
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Expect them to push back
After all things you have done for them, they might not appreciate it, or even say something that hurts you even more. Remember, that is not your fault. Their actions and words are not your responsibility, they may try to manipulate you again and again. Do bear in mind that you will need to stand on your ground firmly while being patient and handling these individuals tactfully.
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Look for a support system
Spending too much time with NPD people can make you emotionally drained, especially when you can’t just simply avoid or leave them. Find yourself a support system, be it an old friend, meeting a new friend, or your family. And do something that allows you to meet more people you feel comfortable with.
As for now there is no specific, single psychological treatment or approved medication for NPD. Nevertheless, NPD people may benefit from symptomatic treatment for anxiety, depression and impulse control issues. Treatment option is on case-to-case basis. Additionally, some patients do benefit from talking therapies or counseling sessions.
All in all
Overly narcissistic, attention-seeking, emotionally abusing, aggressively behaved, lacking empathy individuals might be having narcissistic personality mental disorder, with other disorders. It is also important to know how to deal with NPD individuals and stay in a healthy relationship at the same time. If you’re living with NPD and think that you might need a change, talk to someone. Remember, you are in charge of your thinking and behaviour.
Medically reviewed by Ashwini Nair, MB BCh BAO.
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References:
1. Mitra P, Fluyau D. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In: StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing; 2022. Accessed March 10, 2022. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/
2. Narcissistic personality disorder: Epidemiology, pathogenesis, clinical manifestations, course, assessment, and diagnosis - UpToDate. Accessed March 10, 2022. https://www.uptodate.com/contents/narcissistic-personality-disorder-epidemiology-pathogenesis-clinical-manifestations-course-assessment-and-diagnosis?search=dsm%205%20for%20narcissitic%20personality%20disorder&source=search_result&selectedTitle=1~150&usage_type=default&display_rank=1
3. How to Deal With A Narcissist: 10 Tips Plus When to Move On. Healthline. Published March 6, 2019. Accessed March 10, 2022. https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist
