Your baby or toddler has been sleeping well throughout the night. And one fine day, you realize that your baby starts to cry in the middle of the night. Since then, your baby cries each time you leave his/her line of sight. Your baby is most likely having a separation anxiety.
To leave your baby behind when your baby cries is not an easy task. Most parents will feel guilty at some point and have difficulty coping with it. In this article, we will focus mainly on providing you with the necessary information to identify separation anxiety in your baby and the appropriate ways to manage it.
What is separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is a stage in which a baby goes through during emotional development. All babies will experience it at some point of their life unless your baby’s heart is made out of pure cold steel.
During this stage, your baby starts to learn and experience that even if people or things are not visible, that does not mean they do not exist. This what we call object permanence.
Wait. Object what?
To keep it simple, object permanence is a scientific term where an object continues to exist even without having the need to see, hear, touch or even smell it.
While your baby starts to develop this understanding, your baby will think that you have vanished into thin air when he/she does not see you.
When does separation anxiety happen?
The age group when anxiety separation strikes at 6 months to 18 months. It can occur in younger babies too. The anxiety eases up once your baby turns 2 years old.
What are the signs of separation anxiety?
1. Your baby starts getting up in the night.
Your baby has always been a good sleeper. Then, he starts getting up in the middle of the night crying out loud despite not being overtired.
In this situation, it is not just any cry, but a cry that needs you to carry and coax him back to sleep. Or, your baby just need you to be in his presence before he can fall back to sleep.
2. Your baby cries when carried by others.
Your child cries each time someone tries to carry him like a nanny, a caregiver or other family members and even louder when you try leave.
3. Your baby wants you to be next to him when he plays.
Despite having all the toys to play with, your child refuses to let you leave his sight. Your baby needs you to sit next to him while he plays and when you try to leave, he cries.
4. Your baby runs for you when you want to go pee or poop.
Your child starts to cry when you go to the washroom to pee. It worsens when you are pooping half way and he starts banging on your toilet door, crying out for you. Your poop feeling will just fade away instantaneously.
Is separation anxiety preventable?
Now, as mentioned, separation anxiety happens in all babies. Therefore, it is not preventable. On the other hand, there are ways to prepare your child for future separations.
Here are 7 ways to ease your child’s separation anxiety:
Practice makes perfect.
- Before sending your child to the nanny or childcare, why not practice it at home first?
- If your child is in the room, try to leave the room for a few minutes before going back to him.
- Reassure your child that you will be back to get him after a short while. Be sure that you do that, or else it is going to backfire.
- Once this is performed repetitively, your child will learn that everything will be alright, and that you will go back and get him eventually.
Remember to say goodbye.
- Kiss and hug your baby before leaving him behind.
- Do not prolong your goodbyes though. It is just going to make things more difficult.
- Do not run off sneakily behind his back while he is not aware of it. This will upset your child even more.
- You can do this as part of your bedtime routine too. Give your child a hug and a good night kiss, and let him know that you will see him again tomorrow morning.
Give your baby time.
- If you are planning to send your baby to a nanny or a child care, spend the time with him there too.
- Give your baby some time to get adjusted to the new surroundings.
- Limit the hours at the unfamiliar setting first, then prolonging the hours as time goes by.
Consistency.
- Keep the same routine throughout the week.
- If your baby has been taken care by a nanny and has adapted well, stick with the same nanny.
- We all have our own comfort zones, so does your little one.
Stay calm and do not get upset.
- Nothing upsets your baby more than seeing your angry and frustrated face.
- Avoid scolding your child by all means.
Leave like you mean it.
- When you leave your child, make sure you leave. Just go.
- Do not turn back if the cries get louder.
- It is just going to get harder for your and your baby if you keep turning back to check on him.
- This will indirectly create a new “bad” habit for your child as he expects you to turn back in the future.
Using a soft toy or a comforter.
- Does your baby have a favourite comforter toy or a blankie that soothes him?
- It could be a small blankie imbued with his scent or a comforter toy that he brings to bed every night.
- You can use that to calm him too as a replacement when you are not around.
I have tried all methods. None of them are working! How?
In general, not all babies are alike. Each baby has his or her own personality, so does your little one. You may want to re-look at some of the strategies you have implemented.
You may want to consider introducing a routine for your baby. If your baby does not have a bedtime routine, you can start it off by making one. Then you can work your way to creating some short goodbye routines for your baby too.
Trust your own instincts. If your child refuses to go to a particular nanny or a center, you may want to look into the nanny or the child care center that you are sending your child to.
There is a possibility that there might be a mismatch between your baby and the person who is taking care of him.
Should I be worried about separation anxiety in my baby?
Most babies outgrow separation anxiety around 2 years of age.
As parents, we all worry for our children but try to look at it this way. All babies goes through separation anxiety as part of their emotional development. On a positive note, it is actually a good thing.
Why?
The presence of separation anxiety indicates the bond that you have with your baby. The greater the anxiety your child has, the stronger the bond you have with your baby.
When should I seek help from a paediatrician?
If the anxiety in a child persists past 6 years of age, there could be an underlying anxiety disorder.
Talk to your paediatrician if your child develop these symptoms:
- Nausea, vomiting or shortness of breath just before you leave your child behind. It is called hyperventilation syndrome, or simply put it, a panic attack.
- Develop nightmares that wakes your child from sleep.
- Excessive fear of sleeping alone. Some children do have this fear of sleeping alone, but majority of the time, it is manageable.
- Anxiety persisting into preschool and school years which is affecting your child’s daily activities.
That being said, always remember that this is just a temporary phase and it will pass. If you have doubts or concerns, please do talk to your doctor about it.
References:
- 5 Signs Your Baby’s Got Separation Anxiety | Mother & Baby
- Separation Anxiety | BabyCenter
- How to Handle Separation Anxiety | Parents
- Separation Anxiety in Children | WebMD
In collaboration with Ethissa
